THE WELLS! THE WELLS!

About the Wells

The Wellingborough coat of arms contains five wells. The council is so proud of them that it had them made into a mosaic pattern outside the historical Colemans stationers shop. Given the subject matter, it's no surprise that the mosaic is dangerous when wet.

There were hundreds of wells in Wellingborough at one stage, which begs the question - why? In a town with two rivers and seventeen brooks, why did the locals spend all their time digging wells? Historians have suggested that it was actually a mediaeval form of social security. The mediaeval yokels only had three possible occupations - making shoes, mispronouncing words, and making the queen's ladies-in-waiting pregnant whenever the royal court visited. And the latter wasn't that frequent. To keep the yokels from hanging around saying "kent" when they meant "can't" and "Ketrin" when they meant "Kettering", all those who were too clinically stupid to make shoes were set to digging holes in the ground to get water out. The water was completely unnecessary and unwanted, but then so were the yokels.

Some historical wells of Wellingborough:

Redwell - a chalybeate spring to the north-west of town. For anyone who doesn't know what "chalybeate" means, it means the water is full of iron salts, so it's actually rusty - hence the name. Charles I came here to drink the water because he heard it would make him more fertile. Instead, his wife got mugged walking down Sheep Street, three of her ladies-in-waiting were made pregnant by the same shoemaker and Charles ended up with his head chopped off. Just goes to show… Ironically (get it?) now also the name of a pub, a doctor's surgery, a shop, two schools and a leisure centre. So "I'm just going to pop into the Red Well" can mean anything from someone looking at your haemorrhoids (at the pub) to a quick refreshing dip (in the brook).

Stanwell - even further out of town, on the outskirts of Park Farm. Literally means "the well where you can find a bloke called Stan". Since Stan is a dodgy bloke in a plastic mac, generally best avoided.

Lady's well - tradition has it that, when Christopher Hatton was the local landowner, Queen Elizabeth used to bathe in the water of Lady's well every morning - hence the name. The locals, attracted by the chance of seeing the Virgin Queen in the altogether, used to cluster in the bushes nearby. Stan's great-great-great grandad Stan was among those present, and the sight of him in his sackcloth mac was apparently what put Liz off men for life. Since the bushes were in fact blackberry bushes, the thorns also gave Stan a severe occupational injury, and he had to pass on the job of town flasher to his son, Stan.

Produced, compiled and by Dave "JCB" Digger written by Rev "Half Day" Harry (c) 2002 Visual Distractions